In Judaism, one of the year’s holiest days is the day of atonement. Catholics confess their sins to a priest to receive guidance and forgiveness. It would be easy to think there is nothing more WYG can write about guilt and grief. We’ve written about how common guilt is in grief (you wouldn’t believe how many people get the “coulda woulda shouldas”). We wrote an article about the difference between guilt and regret.
Promises to do things differently
Recognize and acknowledge your behaviors that caused harm to someone else. It would be nice if the above outcomes were universal—but they aren’t (of course). Making amends won’t necessarily play out like the ending of a Hallmark movie. Sometimes, the outcome can be uglier and downright disappointing. They may refuse to meet at all or refuse to listen to what you have to say. Sometimes it can be hard to know what to say when preparing to make amends.
Careers – Join Our Team
Sometimes, direct amends are not possible or advisable, especially if it might cause further harm. In such cases, living amends—ongoing changes in behavior and attitudes—are made to demonstrate a commitment to sobriety, personal growth, and making a positive difference. By consistently embodying these changes, individuals can rebuild trust and repair relationships over time.
- Part of the practice of karma yoga is about right actions and dealing ethically with others, and it includes trying to right the wrongs we have done.
- Although you can’t undo what has already been done, you can work to repair damaged relationships with family and friends by making amends.
- That’s why we have a comprehensive set of treatment providers and don’t charge for inclusion.
- Yes, we partake in the process to “clean up our side of the street,” but we do not make amends to clear our conscience or undo our feelings of guilt.
Commit to living a sober and honest life
I have a responsibility to parent him and speak out for his best interests. Early in my recovery, I learned neither my son nor my husband was listening to anything I said. He’s a teenager, so I try to let him function at that age level. When he runs out of clean clothes, I don’t lecture or offer solutions. I let him decide if he wants to do laundry at midnight or wear dirty clothes. I no longer interrogate him about his day at school, so I can give my wise advice on how to handle difficult peers.
Step 9: The Best 5 Tips for Living Amends
It’s also about showing them and yourself through your actions that you are dedicated to your sobriety. State how you are taking personal responsibility for the hurt you’ve caused. Making amends means apologizing but also goes one step further—doing everything in your power to repair the damage, restore the relationship, and/or, replace what you took. If you’re writing a letter, whether sending or sharing it in person, spend some time reflecting on and sharing the actions you’re taking to redress the wrong(s) done. Direct amends refers to going directly to the wronged individual, apologizing and taking whatever action is necessary to correct a situation. If an individual damaged someone else’s home while they were under the influence of drugs or alcohol, direct amends may require that they go to the property owner, apologize and repair damages.
How Will Making Amends Help My Recovery?
Today, I know my words have value whether they pay attention or not. If they didn’t pay attention, I do my best to let them suffer the consequence. If they take my words for granted, sometimes, I take a break from talking. I don’t punish them with silence (although I did do that in the past).
Below, experts at Hazelden Betty Ford’s Connection™ recovery coaching program answer frequently asked questions about this reconciliation process and why it’s so vital to addiction recovery and spiritual health. Apologies can only go so far in repairing past pain, but it’s a place where you need to begin to heal. Make a list of everyone you’ve made promises to that you didn’t fulfill, the people you’ve lied to, stolen from, or hurt in any way because of who you used to be, and apologize sincerely. Sometimes, it’s necessary to make amends to employers or co-workers.
But amends are so much more than just making a list and saying you are sorry, and this is where it becomes important to understand the difference between making an amends and making an apology. I cannot go back and change the past, but I can take responsibility for my actions. living amends Each day I ask my Higher Power for the strength to help me stay sober and live responsibly and with honesty. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me, but if not, I understand. When first writing your list, don’t worry about including everyone you have wronged.
Where Do You Start with Step 9 AA?
It can be a challenging list to write, even for those who want to embrace forgiveness and inner peace—but the list is important. It represents many of the feelings and struggles you’ve had. By working through the list in Step 9 and making amends to each person named there, you will restore a piece of yourself with each conversation. Talk with your sponsor or others in your recovery community about what has worked for them. If your actions match your intentions and you reach out in person, you are doing the next right thing to right past wrongs. And remember, if you are feeling ashamed about mistakes made and damage done during your using days, you are not your disease.
Patient Care Network
Being specific also makes the amends that you offer more achievable. You may not be able to rectify “everything” you’ve done to the other person, but you can repair specific wrongs. The spiritual purpose of making amends is to find inner peace, freedom, release, and rebirth.